


Built to Fall Apart

by notjustalittlegirl



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Hurt, I promise, I'm not trying to villify Turgon or Idril, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loneliness, Poor Maeglin, Rejection, Some comfort, Unrequited Cousin incest, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-27 18:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8412661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustalittlegirl/pseuds/notjustalittlegirl
Summary: "When Maeglin first saw her, he hadn't thought that mattered. Having been sheltered his entire life, kept home with his mother and given no chance to explore the world away from the prying eyes of his father, Maeglin could have never guessed that it could be so wrong to love Idril the way he did." When Maeglin confesses his love to his cousin Idril, he isn't expecting the aftermath to be so devastating.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who couldn't think of a title again and used Taylor Swift lyrics?? Yep. It's becoming a problem. This title is from Out of the Woods. 
> 
> Anyway, I just love Maeglin, so I don't know why I wrote this... Hope you enjoy!

Gondolin was beautiful. There was simply no other way to put it. In all her tales, no matter how skilled a storyteller she was, it had simply been impossible for Aredhel to do justice to the city where her elder brother ruled. Every pebble on the street seemed to shine and glitter, reflecting the light for all to see. 

Maeglin had taken to walking those stunning streets for hours at a time, stopping every once in a while to gaze at the things his mother had described, or even mentioned passingly, in her stories, trying in vain to find some lingering trace of her. He stayed away from the palace as much as he could. Away from the most beautiful part of the entire city.

More beautiful than the gleaming white bricks, than the statues, than anything in all Arda, was Idril. The princess of Gondolin could outshine Varda herself, at least in Maeglin's eyes.

She was also his cousin. His mother's brother's only child.

When Maeglin first saw her, he hadn't thought that mattered. Having been sheltered his entire life, kept home with his mother and given no chance to explore the world away from the prying eyes of his father, Maeglin could have never guessed that it could be so wrong to love Idril the way he did.

Which is why, that morning, he had gone to tell her.

* * *

It was no easy thing to get Idril alone, as she was constantly surrounded by her ladies and friends, and not least her father, but he had discovered as he admired her from afar, that his cousin was an early riser, relishing these few minutes on her own before she could be swept away by the bustle of the day. Therefore, it had seemed only natural to Maeglin that he should confess to her before anyone could surround her and block his way.

When he saw her, still in her white lacy nightgown as she obviously hadn't been expecting anyone else to be up so early, with her long silver hair in a single braid down her back, his breath was stolen right from his throat. She nodded a greeting to one of the early morning servants cleaning the hallways and made for the balcony that Maeglin knew she loved. He waited a few seconds, then followed, trying to steel his nerves for the big moment.

"Hello, Idril," he nearly whispered. She startled, jumping slightly, then turned.

"Oh! Good morning, Maeglin. I didn't realize that you woke so early!"

"I d-don't usually," he stammered. "I j-just wanted to tell you something. With n-no one else around." 

"Oh?" His cousin looked confused, and her eyebrows migrated up her forehead until they were nearly lost in the sweep of her hair that was never in her face during the daytime. What could her cousin possibly have to say to her that couldn't be said in front of her friends or father?

"What is it, Maeglin? Is something wrong?"

"Um..." One final breath, one final leap of courage. 

"IthinkI'minlovewithyou."

She didn't respond at first, trying to sort through the jumbled mix of letters that had just come pouring from Maeglin's mouth. "Pardon? I couldn't quite understand you.'

Maeglin looked into Idril's eyes once again and they gave him the courage to speak again, this time slowing his frantic words to a speed where the object of his love could understand them. 

"Idril, I'm in love with you." 

When she, after this confession, stood still, silent and pale as a statue, Maeglin leaned forward and kissed her softly on one cheek. Her skin was soft, and smelled faintly of flowers.

As his lips brushed her skin, Idril moved, breaking out of her horrified trance. She shoved Maeglin violently away from her and backed up, eyes reflecting the same panic as Maeglin had often seen in those of the animals he had cornered and killed for food. 

"You're my cousin! I couldn't- I'd never- I'm sorry." 

When he opened his mouth to speak, Idril clenched her fists and pulled her shawl tighter around herself, suddenly aware of how exposed she was. 

"Leave me alone!" 

Idril turned on her heel and ran back inside. Standing alone, shocked and disbelieving of what had just happened, Maeglin heard her scream. 

"Atya! Atya, wake up!" 

Maeglin turned his back to the balcony and ran back towards his room, while trying in vain to stop the onslaught of tears that had already begun streaming in damp tracks down his face. 

By the time he got back to his room, Maeglin was sobbing. He wished he would at least have the strength not to cry, to stand up and take Idril's rejection like the ellon his father had tried to mold him into. 

If it had been simply a matter of physical pain, he would have been able to. But this... This was simply too much to bear.

* * *

Idril pounded on the door of her father's chambers frantically, praying that he would open the door quickly before her cousin decided to come after her. 

"Atya! Wake up, Atya! I need you!" 

Sure enough, Turgon opened the door. His hair was messy and he was rubbing sleep from his eyes, but he seemed awake enough that he could protect her if the need arose. 

"Idril? It's early, what do you need so badly that it couldn't wait past dawn?" 

As her father ushered her inside his chambers, Idril's panic dimmed slightly and she was able to calm her labored breathing enough to gasp out the words. 

"It's Maeglin. He- he just told me that he's in love with me! Atya, he's in _love_ with me!" 

This snapped Turgon wide awake. " _What?"_

"Atya, you must- I cannot- You must send him away, for I cannot live under the same roof as he!" 

"Oh, by the Valar. Idril, darling, that is simply... I'm so sorry. But, no matter how much I might like to, I cannot send Maeglin away." 

Idril's mouth opened wide in shock. "Why in the world not?" 

Turgon wrapped his arms around his daughter, who was still shaking slightly from Maeglin's confession. "I made a promise, Idril. I promised my sister that I would look after her son. She sacrificed her life for him, and I cannot dishonor her final whishes. But you will never have to see him again, sweetheart! I will keep him away from you!" 

Idril nodded, and Turgon sat her down in the largest chair in his room and sent for a servant to fetch her a warm drink. Only when he had seen to his daughter did Turgon march determinedly towards his nephew's room. 

* * *

When Turgon opened the door, it was to see Maeglin with his head buried in his pillow and his shoulders shaking violently as he cried. 

A twinge popped up uninvited in Turgon's chest at this sight. Not out of pity for his nephew, mind, but regret and guilt about how Aredhel would feel to see her son so miserable.  _You promised Aredhel,_ Turgon thought to himself as he approached the bed.  _You promised Aredhel that you would watch after her baby._

Turgon approached Maeglin carefully, wondering what on earth he was going to say to his heartbroken nephew while keeping his promise to Aredhel and still making it clear that he was never to go near Idril again.

"Maeglin..." 

The other jolted up, and Turgon saw that his face was red and tear stained, but most alarmingly he saw the panic in his eyes, similar to Idril's when his daughter had first come to divulge the events that had led to this moment. 

"I'm sorry!" Maeglin yelled. "I'm s-sorry! I can't h-help it, I'm sorry! P-please don't- don't hurt me!"

This gave Turgon pause. He approached at an even slower pace, worried that his nephew would run away before he could talk to him. 

"Maeglin, I am not going to hurt you. Will you look at me, please?" 

The younger turned his head just far enough to look into his uncle's eyes, but was still wrapped around himself and shaking. 

Turgon sat down on Maeglin's bed. "Maeglin. I made a promise to your mother, that I would take care of you. It's not a promise I ever intended to break. But, the only person that I have ever loved more than my sister is my daughter, and if you ever touch Idril there is no promise that will be able to make me keep you here. That is a promise. Do you understand?"

Maeglin hiccuped, and nodded. "Yes, sir. I und-derstand. I w-won't, I promise! I j-just- I love her!" 

Turgon nodded. "I know. But you cannot." It was sudden, and Turgon stiffened when his little nephew, who had no one to turn to and no one who would put him first ever since Aredhel had died, threw himself into his arms and hugged him. 

As Maeglin sobbed into his chest, he couldn't see Turgon grimace at being so close to the elf who loved his daughter. He thought of Aredhel, pretending that it was his sister he was comforting as he patted Maeglin awkwardly.

* * *

Idril hated him. That was the only thought in Maeglin's mind, the only thing that mattered. It wouldn't have even mattered to Maeglin that his uncle did too- for he had felt Turgon stiffen when he had tried to replace the love and comfort that his mother would have shown him when Idril had run from him with that of her brother- if only Idril would love him the way he wanted. 

When Turgon had left the room after spending only a minute trying to calm his nephew, Maeglin fell back onto his bed, sobs redoubling. 

"No," his whispered to himself, not even knowing that he was doing so. "No, no, no, no! This isn't happening!" 

He screamed into his pillow, head throbbing. 

Part of him hoped that Turgon would hear him, come back and tell Maeglin either to leave forever or kiss his hair and tell him that it would be all right, just like his mother would have. Part of him hoped that no one would ever come into his room again. All of him wished that his mother was there to make it better. 

All of a sudden, Maeglin could no longer stand to be caught in his room, or the palace, for even one second longer. As he ran from the room, using the open door to catapult himself even faster, a loose piece of wood broke off and lodged itself in Maeglin's hand, drawing blood. 

He barely noticed, not even bothering to pull out the wood. The pain of it, not even coming close to echoing the brutal, stabbing, pain in his heart, felt almost like relief. 

Eventually, Maeglin found himself in front of a tiny park in the inner city which had been one of his mother's favorite places when she was unable to escape to the woods. 

It was relatively isolated, surrounded by only a few homes, all facing away from the main bustle of Gondolin. This meant that, when Maeglin arrived, the park was deserted. 

He stood there, unmoving, until night fell, bringing with it a darkness which mirrored the blackness rising in his heart.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Much appreciated! Hope you liked it.


End file.
